Bribery & Parenting 101

I've taken to bribing the smalls to do mundane everyday things that they're just not that into.

1. Like brushing teeth. A couple of weeks ago I introduced "The Toothbrushing Time Trials" in preparation for "The Toothbrushing Olympics". The smalls don't know that they are the only competitors - and quite frankly, they don't need to know. But heck. This idea works a charm. I get Matt's iPhone, prep the stopwatch and BOOM! Two minutes of teeth brushing bliss for both of them. No wrangling with Tiny. No whinging. No lightweight brushing.

Gold star to mama.

2. In the interests of keeping the peace, Matt has decided to keep the smalls bathing separately. But I can't be bothered waiting for two rounds of bath-times, so I've been bribing them to get into the bath with a squirt each of this Imperial Leather Foamburst. Have you seen this? It's lush! Like washing myself with rich shaving cream, well that's the consistency. And the smalls - it gets them every time! Boom! Straight into the bath.

Gold star to mama.

3. When the smalls aren't asking for food, I feed them. A snack bowl full of celery, grape tomatoes, carrot sticks, whatever's on hand. Those smalls don't see me coming. Sneaking vegetables into them. Making them less fractious before dinner time. I swoop in there like a secret vegetable avenger.

Gold star to mama.

4. The Doctor came home from school upset. He needed some coaxing, but finally told me that someone had punched him in the tummy. Again. And that because I had drawn a love heart on his yoghurt, half the class laughed at him and made fun of him - and the poor little dude, he cried. The worst thing? I've always put hearts on his lunchbox - because I LOVE him - and that morning, I had thought, hmm, maybe I shouldn't. Then I thought - shucks, he's in Kindergarten. He's six. It's ok! It's love! Wrong mama. Wrong. So I wrote a little note to his teacher to let her know. He came home triumphant. Everyone in the class HAD to come to school with hearts and love notes from their parents in their lunchboxes. How cute is that? And the puncher. He got reprimanded very swiftly. School is the HARD YARDS!

Gold stars all 'round.

And here ends my bribery & parenting and ranting 101.

Image is Tiny looking scary.